There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me