I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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