all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
