Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
