In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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