oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
