we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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