i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
