Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
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on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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