so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
