im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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