True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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