dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You need a sexual gate keeper
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
