He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
someone get that fucking seahorse.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
