you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
