Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
