Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
