A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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