So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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