I wish I could teleport
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize