I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
