He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
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