he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Do vagina's smell?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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