i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
if only i could text you this smell
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Randomize
