The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
