when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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