i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
