So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
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ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
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I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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