I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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