Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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