in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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