you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
