I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
