saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
