Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
