mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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