First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
