Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
