I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm too high and old for this...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
