WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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