How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
