So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
