His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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