You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
