Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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