What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
