i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
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I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
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I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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