It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
