Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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