At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
