Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
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I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
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I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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