Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
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if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
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I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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