her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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