I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My life is pants optional.
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