Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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