i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
