Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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