booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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