I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize