i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
