dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
