I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my sisters under your porch take her home
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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