I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You are a booty call, not a friend.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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