I think my fart just growled at me.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize