He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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