I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
