someone threw a dead crab at me
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Dicks are not precious.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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