ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
MIDGETS
????
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
