bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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