I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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