Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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